


Timing Is Everything

by tcrobson



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, British Slang, Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Mild Language, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-16 23:46:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8122267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tcrobson/pseuds/tcrobson
Summary: Back when House, M.D., one of my favorite shows, was still on the air, I had planned to write an episodic-like series of fanfics featuring an original character and House getting into major high-jinks. Alas, time and inspiration was not plentiful, and only a few sporadic scenes were written in script format. But in a few of those scenes, I really liked the dialogue, so I thought I'd put them on here in more of a story format. So while this has/will have "multiple chapters," it's really separate scenes that were meant to be tied together with an overarching plot line, but never were.





	1. Chapter 1

"All right, let's see how well you do with this guy."  
  
Alex wasn't a doctor. Wasn't even a med student. Shouldn't have been anywhere near this patient's office. But an appointment set up specifically to get a doctor's note to ditch gym and a few snarky comments later, and House was sold on young tomboy Alex. So yeah, he was willing to give her diagnoses on this fiftysomething British man a shot — he was bored, so why not? Alex grabbed the patient's chart and dove in with enthusiasm.  
  
"Who are you?" the patient asked.  
  
"I'm Dr. House, and I'm overseeing your case. This is Doctor..." House nudged his newfound protégée. "What's your last name again?"  
  
"Sutherland."  
  
"Dr. Sutherland. She'll be providing me with a consult. So...what do you think, doc?"  
  
Eyes still on the clipboard chart, Alex seated herself next to the worried gent.  
  
"How bad is the abdominal pain?"  
  
"It hurts, how many of you quacks do I have to say that to?!?!"  
  
"Just two more," House answered as he absentmindedly checked the man's heart monitor.  
  
"Oh, sod off," the man resigned.  
  
Alex finally shifted her gaze to the disgruntled man. "Still finding something other than poo in the loo?" she asked.  
  
The man immediately flared up. "Are you mocking me? I have a serious issue here!!"  
  
"Easy, Seabiscuit," she replied. "I think I know what your problem is. Besides your unflinching Britishness, of course. We don't specialize in that area. Eaten any funny-tasting hamburger lately?"  
  
The man nodded. "Well, I did have one burger a few days ago that tasted rather beastly..."  
  
Alex paused, wrapping her head around this new adjective. "I'll...take that as a yes. You have e. coli poisoning."  
  
"Course of treatment?" House inquired as he fiddled with the room's television.  
  
"IV fluids and paracetamol for the pain is what I'd do."  
  
House nodded in agreement and snagged the chart from Alex.  
  
"Wait, what about my minging feet?" the patient interrupted.  
  
"Your what?" House and Alex both replied.  
  
"My...smelly feet?"  
  
Alex's muted confusion turned into dramatic shock. "You have smelly feet?!? Why didn't you say something? That could change everything!!!" Alex lifted the sheet to view his feet and, through much grimacing, examined them from all sides.  
  
"Yes, yes...it's just as I thought."  
  
"What is it?" The anxious patient sat up, awaiting the final diagnosis.  
  
"You have..." Alex cued House for a bugle horn noise.  "...smelly feet."  
  
Somehow astonished, the patient stuttered. "Wha...but..."  
  
"They're not connected," Alex explained. "You got a bad hamburger and have stinky feet. Two separate issues. Unless you rubbed the onions from your hamburger on your feet, then that's not our problem really..."  
  
Foreman poked his head into the room. "What are you doing in here?"  
  
"Diagnosing!" Alex excitedly responded.  
  
"She's my partner in crime," House offered, sharing a bro-fist with his new pal.  
  
"She's not a doctor, House."  
  
" _You're not a doctor?!!!?_ " The patient erupted.  
  
"Oh, you wanted _doctors_? Because, you know, you have to order those at the front desk..." Alex resolved.  
  
Foreman face-palmed. "Come on..."  
  
Foreman grabbed Alex by the arm and dragged her out of the room. House followed, leaving the patient baffled and worried. Once outside the patient's room, House defended his new friend. "But she came up with the same diagnosis I did! That should _totally_ count!"  
  
"Tell that to Cuddy and see how far you get."  
  
House's glowing face sunk. When Foreman turned to Alex, House stuck out his tongue in frustration.  
  
"Stay out of the patient rooms," Foreman warned, then proceeded down the hallway, leaving Tweedledum and Tweedledee to themselves.  
  
Once out of Foreman's earshot, Alex bounced on her toes again. "Well, that was fun. Can we do it again?"  
  
The two, both children at heart, smile as each other's joy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A somewhat disconnected scene from the first 'chapter', was intended to be a part of the original story.

Foreman and Alex sat beside each other in the hallway, waiting for House’s late appearance on the scene. Alex leaned House’s cane and faintly massaged her right leg, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by Foreman.

“You know, all you need is the facial hair…”

As though “facial hair” was the beckoning call, House limped around the corner. Ignoring Foreman’s quip, Alex leapt to her feet. 

“He gonna die of stinky feet?” asked Alex.

“Yep!”

“Awesome!”

Foreman shook his head and sighed in the fashion of a television sitcom. Chase stepped up to his side as House and Alex walked away. A few steps away, Alex stopped leaning on the cane and tosses it to House, who effortlessly caught it.

“I think we just saw the changing of the cane,” Chase remarked.

Down the hallway, Alex bounced excitedly.

“Come on, come on, are we really going to follow Foreman’s warning? I know you have enough unfinished clinic hours to fill an 18-wheeler…”

“How do you know that?”

“I may or may not have seen a few numbers on a hospital computer,” Alex whispered. 

“You little snoop,” House patted her on the head like a puppy, “I like it. But you must explain your mysterious techniques before I can learn to fully trust you.”

“Oh, I just got Wilson out of his office, nothing big.”

House stopped in his tracks.

“Okay, I’m already impressed. How did you manage that?”

“I just told him that there was a scantily clad woman in the clinic asking for him, saying something about “getting tested.” He shot out of there like Roadrunner. Then I got on his computer.”

“…which is password-protected. Wait, are you one of the Spy Kids?”

“Well, it helps when he has in front of his keyboard a little note on a notepad that says ‘password.’ Hector Doesgorug is a great anagram, by the way. It should be your stripper name.”


End file.
